Random Thoughts
Archives: 2007, 2006, 2005

NOTE: The following discussions contain some strong opinions. If you don't want to read controversial, personal opinions, please do not read on. I do not like "knee-jerk" liberal or conservative philosophies. I try to be open-minded, but certainly have my own biases. I hate "political correctness" and tend to overreact against those who practice it. - Bill McArthur, aka Hungry Mother (hungrymother) and Computing Doc (computingdoc). I sure do enjoy these blogs. I appreciate these awards.

07/18/08 comments

Maybe Some Balance?

I like the New Yorker magazine. I grew up in California reading the cartoons of every issue. My mother, a native Brooklynite, had a subscription to maintain her roots. I usually buy an issue at an airport newsstand before a flight. My only problem with the controversial Obama cover is that it shows a lack of balance. There are at least two fantasies about Barack, not just one. Here is a cover design that I propose as a substitute.

07/09/08 comments

Cheney is Evil Incarnate

Dick Cheney's sins against humanity continue to be revealed. He will be reviled as the most evil Vice President ever. Impeach him now, before he bombs Iran.

07/07/08 comments

Mid-Summer Ramble

My wife and I had an interesting dialogue this morning while she was reading and commenting on the opinion section of the New York Times website, and I was surfing some movie websites about the movie, "Beautiful Girls", which we had watched last night. Some samples:

She: What is John McCain going to do about al Maliki's statement about time limits?

Me: Actually, Tim Hutton has been appearing in movies regularly, we just haven't noticed.

She: That Medicare bill should be looked at by everyone our age.

Me: Natalie Portman was born in Jerusalem.

My birthday came and went during the July 4 extended holiday. We had various groups of company which took our concentration. Being 68 is about the same as being 67 was. I'm still a geezer.

I'm starting to do a crossword puzzle in the local newspaper in addition to the one I do online. The mornings have been so nice on the deck that the paper version makes good sense in the outdoors.

I've developed a bothersome condition that requires me to go back to my urologist before my October appointment for PSA monitoring. Regular visits to the urology office are part of growing older.

06/28/08 comments

A Nice Little Adventure

This morning my paddling buddy Joe and I did one of my favorite kayak paddles around Cape Island. I have done this trip too many times to remember, but it's different every time. Today's trip had an exciting twist to it around the middle of the journey.

I brought 100 ounces of liquid with me, mostly Cytomax with one 20 ounce bottle of Gatorade G2 and one 16 ounce bottle of water. I carried a soft cooler with ice and a few of the bottles so that I could enjoy some icy cold drinking when we stopped for our break.

I packed a couple of power bars and put them with my pocket pc in my dry bag. I also had my marine radio in my PFD (life jacket). I had an extra paddle strapped on the back of my kayak and a couple of bottles of Cytomax in the cockpit with me.

I have equipped my main single kayak with a mount for a Garmin eTrex Vista GPS which can have local charts (marine maps) loaded onto it. In this fashion, I can see where I am on the chart as I paddle. I usually only bring my eTrex on open water crossings, so I didn't even consider bringing it along for this trip. What I did bring was my new Garmin Forerunner 405 GPS watch which my kids just gave me for my birthday coming up on July 1. This powerful tool (not a toy, ladies) allows for complete tracking of a workout.

I left from my beach at 6:39 AM and headed south to Joe's beach, a mile away. He joined me and we headed down the Bay, across the Cape May Canal and through the Concrete Ship. I was a little nervous about fog, but everything was clear as we paddled through the rips around Cape May Point. The ocean swells were pretty big and there were lots of standing waves in the rips, but we managed to avoid most of them by staying close to the jetties. We almost got involved in some life guard life boat races as we passed the Grant Street Beach, home of the Cape May Beach Patrol, but we saw the marker flags in time and swung further out into the ocean to avoid them. About that time we started to notice some fog settling in around the Cape May Inlet jetty. All of a sudden, we were in a white-out fog. We started to worry about getting killed by a speeding boat and Joe started blowing his whistle while I sounded the small airhorn that I carry. Also, we headed toward shore where we could hear the waves crashing on the beach. We used the sound of the breakers and the occasional glimpse of the shore to guide us to the jetty, where we turned right and followed it to the mouth of the inlet. As we turned in the inlet, The fog was gone and we had a relaxing paddle the rest of the way. I was back at my beach in 4 hours and 40 minutes.

My Forerunner 405 gave this set of statistics (which seems to indicate that we climbed a small hill, but actually, the wave swells on the ocean were pretty big and added up) for the trip and this map of the journey. I got back for lunch, which pleased my wife, and had a nice little adventure.

06/27/08 comments

Vista Sucks

I thought that the "MS" in MSNBC meant Microsoft. Joe Scarborough, on "Morning Joe" this morning, totally bashed Vista as an unworkable operation system. It'll be interesting to see the damage control roll out. BTW, Vista sucks.

06/25/08 comments

Too Much Play?

This time of year is the reason that we live at the Jersey Shore. I have so many ideas about outdoor activities that I can't begin to do all of them. I concentrate on kayaking, running, and walking during the summer months. I also work in step aerobics, cycling, and fishing as time permits.

I don't spend much time working at my computer business or home projects, but I have to do a little of each to satisfy my few clients and my slave-driving wife. (I discovered that my wife does not read this blog and hardly reads our photo journal.)

We entertain many guests during the season. We get to do some other activities with them: boardwalks, site-seeing boats, the (free!) Cape May County Zoo, and beach sitting.

06/19/08 comments

Innumeracy Redux

Yesterday, I read an article in the local paper, Atlantic City Press, about a property tax increase in our township in South Jersey. I was struck by the misleading way that the tax increase was presented, so I wrote a rant for the "spout off" section of another local paper:

The article in the Press (6/18/08) says that Lower Township raised the property tax rate by 2.4 cents. Wow! That'll be easy to pay, it's just pennies. This isn't the way to tell us poor taxpayers what's really happening. Here's a little grammar school arithmetic:

old rate: 32.4 cents
new rate: 34.8 cents
difference: 2.4 cents
% of change: 2.4/32.4 x 100 = 7.4 %

That's the number that should have been announced and reported. That's a 7.4% increase in property taxes, which are already high.

Here's another number that should be reported: our property taxes will DOUBLE in 9.7 years with this rate increase. Have I got your attention yet? Shame on the Lower Township government and shame on the Press for shoddy reporting.

Later in the day, I mentioned the 7.4% tax increase to another resident. He was flabbergasted. He thought he would just have to pay pennies more.

06/17/08 comments

Energy Plan

Back in the 70s, I happened upon a copy of the book "Limits to Growth" by the Club of Rome. The book was very controversial and stimulated a great deal of work in computer modeling. One of the implications discussed in the book was that the world would run out of oil at some point not in the distant future.

Now that we're paying over $4.00 a gallon for gas, more people are believers that we have an energy problem to solve. In the interest of preserving a decent way of life for my children and grandchildren, I've formulated the following plan:

1. Rather than seeking more ways to get oil, make a national decision to convert all possible machines to use electric power.

2. Ensure that all generating plants for electricity use clean, non-fossil fuel sources of power, including nuclear, hydro, solar, wind, and tides.

3. Utilize and enhance the current infrastructure of gas stations to swap out batteries as a new form of refueling. This will require a few standard types of batteries that can be quickly replaced and recharged by the stations.

I'm convinced that, if America mounts an Apollo-like program to accomplish this plan, it can be accomplished within a decade. Big Oil will balk and try to be a hindering force, but they can get in on the action in transforming the infrastructure and make their money.

Ships and trains can be powered by nuclear reactors, but I'm not sure what replacement power source would be appropriate for airplanes. I am sure that all issues can be solved if the national will is behind the effort and the resources are available.

We've been refusing to take on the energy problem, but the time is now, or never.

06/13/08 comments

Gear

Part of the fun of outdoor activities is the acquisition of gear appropriate to the task. While I was in Boulder, CO on my recent trip, I bought a couple of items. For the couple of hikes in Rocky Mountain National Park, I needed a new water bottle to hang by a carabiner for ready access. Just before the trip to Colorado, I had thrown out all of my water bottles because they contained dangerous chemicals, so I needed a replacement bottle. The one I found has a straw inside so that, by biting the foldable mouthpiece, I can sip without inverting the bottle. I've used the bottle on two long hikes and one short hike and two kayak paddles.

The second piece of gear subjected me to a lot of ridicule from my fellow travelers: a pair of Vibram Five Fingers. I intended to use them for times when I wanted to be barefoot, but needed a bit of protection on the bottoms of my feet. I've already used them for two kayak paddles and love them. I think that they might be chick magnets in addition.

06/10/08 comments

Killer Hike

My son-in-law Tom prides himself on pushing me to my limits whenever he gets the opportunity to do an outing involving just the two of us. On his wedding day, with my daughter, Tom introduced me to bike riding in Blacksburg, Virginia, where you start at your high point, descend into the valley and then bust butt to get back. Another time, in Georgia, he had me hiking up Springer Mountain from Amicalola Falls, a 17 mile round trip with lots of climbing. We had a third guy with us the day in Switzerland that we took a much, much longer hike than we needed or wanted. At dinner that night, we consumed $24 worth of mineral water (back when the exchange rate was good). When Tom suggested that the two of us hike up to Estes Cone on a cold and breezy day when the women didn't want to venture out, I should have been more wary.

A couple of hours later, I was huffing and puffing as we ascended a very steep trail to the 11,000 foot summit. I made it to the top and was rewarded with views as breathtaking as the hike. It was so windy and cold at the top that Tom and I ate our peanut butter sandwiches wearing gloves.

For more detailed info, see our web journal.

06/08/08 comments

Rocky Mountains

Three of us took a nice hike that took us to a waterfall and a mountain lake at 10,000 feet. There was more snow than I expected.

For more detailed info, see our web journal.

06/07/08 comments

Boulder - Estes Park

The day was clear. We drove to Boulder to see how the hippie side of things was doing. In the spirit of things, we all ate vegetarian in a creperie. We saw a group of "omers" trying to levitate themselves. In their own minds I think they succeeded. We drove up to Estes Park, where we will stay for 3 nights with a view of the peaks of Rocky Mountain National Park. We took a short walk around Sprague Lake with the 3 year old. The word "awesome" gets overworked here, but this view of the Continental Divide fit the bill. We saw some elk along the road.

For more detailed info, see our web journal.

06/06/08 comments

Pike's Peak

We were under a severe thunderstorm warning today and had rain off and on. We headed for the USOC training facilities for a private guided tour which was very interesting. My wife and I have been fleeing from the harshness of winter for the past several years. It was ironic to find us taking the cog train up to the summit of Pike's Peak where it was 21 degrees and snowing. My friends in Canada are probably chuckling as they make their own snowmen.

For more detailed info, see our web journal.

06/05/08 comments

Garden of the Gods

The last time I was in Colorado Springs, I missed seeing this spectacular and free place. Our little group enjoyed looking at the red rock formations. Our dinner spot had a view of Pike's Peak.

For more detailed info, see our web journal.

06/03/08 comments

Traveling Again

I'm heading out again. I hate to leave the beach at this beautiful time of the year, but I also love the mountains. A group of five of us are going to a couple of spots in the Front Range of the Rockies in Colorado for a few days. I should have some pictures to share. We leave tomorrow morning and return early on Tuesday.

06/02/08 comments

Going for the Groove

While I was out for a jog yesterday, I was thinking about the pain of running and why I don't do it fluently. I pound the pavement and huff and puff, while I'd like to glide along breathing with ease. Some refer to that feeling as "being in the groove" or "being in the zone."

I thought about my "magic run" back in 1977, when I was on sabbatical leave at Duke. One day, when I was doing a power walk, I jogged for 3 miles for the first time in my life. That run was smooth and effortless. I felt as though I could run forever.

I think that performing physical activities with fluency has to do with relaxation, rhythm, breath control, and proprioception. I learned about proprioception when I took my first AAAI certification as an aerobics instruction back in 1988. I think that I am blessed in that regard. For example, since I've been about 6 years old, I've been able to do a headstand with little effort. Also, when I close my eyes, I can easily visualize how the parts of my body are oriented. I'm not sure how one can improve proprioception. The practice of Yoga can definitely improve relaxation and breath control. I practiced Yoga regularly for several years and am anxious to begin again any day now. I think the best way to improve rhythm is through dance. I am a pretty good dancer when I work at it.

I had a "magic ski run" once, back in the 80s when I downhill skied for 3 years. That night, I felt completely in control and was able to glide down the slope smoothly. I quit downhill skiing because my wife wouldn't do it (actually, she agreed to do it one year, but broke her foot doing aerobics one week before we were scheduled to hit the slopes); I took up cross-country skiing instead and generally skied with fluency.

When I am on a long kayak trip, I get so much in the groove, that I actually doze off in microsleep sometimes as I paddle. Last summer, as I crossed the Bay with a couple of buddies, I slumped over a couple of times, triggering a blast from my air horn on my life jacket, snapping all of us to attention.

I can do step aerobics with fluency and I usually do. I have only fallen once since 1985, and that was because I was staring too intently at the instructor's anatomy and lifted both legs simultaneously during a knee-up maneuver. I crashed down on my step, but my eyes never left their targets.

Riding a bicycle is an activity that most people do with fluency. Once you get just a bit practiced, you can ride smoothly for hours. I used to take many bike rides in the 60-75 mile range when I lived in Pennsylvania. If I could run as I ride a bike, I would be satisfied.

Maybe, instead of analyzing my running, I should just do it.

05/26/08 comments

Thank You for Your Service

It's Memorial Day, so I'm thinking about those who have served in the U.S. Armed Forces, especially those who have died or been disabled in that service. On Saturday I watched a triathlon which was dedicated to Veterans. In attendance and competing were several disabled veterans. My most memorable moment was watching a guy with an artificial foot jump off of a 5' high wooden jetty as he ran the 5K portion of the event. He landed on his good foot, stumbled a bit and took off running in the sand of the beach. What a courageous guy! Minutes before that, the same guy was helped to refasten his foot after completing the ocean swim in 55 degree water. Later in the day, I visited and chatted with one of my wife's cousins who was disabled in Vietnam. After a year or so of surgeries, he was able to spend 32 years working for the postal service. He complained to me, not about himself, but about the older military, called into service from their National Guard units, who, when disabled near the end of their 20 years of service, are denied one of the two pensions: 20 years of service and disabled veteran. On his part, he'd like to have his body back.

One of my son-in-law's friends, who competed in the triathlon, was an Airborne Ranger who served in the First Gulf War and was disabled on a parachute jump. He whipped my son-in-law in the triathlon, but he would have liked to have stayed in the service and joined the Special Forces. He'd also like his body back.

My next door neighbor was disabled in Vietnam. He lost much of the use of one arm and hand and has bad knees and back due to his injuries. He doesn't complain, but he hurts. He'd like to have his body back.

None of these guys were into the political discussion about the rightness of their wars, they just served out of a sense of duty and patriotism. It's a good day to remember all of them.

05/22/08 comments

Corporate Conscience

Congress had Big Oil in for some discussions this week. Senator Dick Durbin asked about the existence of "corporate conscience" as the executives revealed their multi-million dollar salaries. My answer was somewhat covered in a comic strip that I published on Anonymous Idiot.

Although a corporation has some qualities of an individual, "conscience" is not one of them. When dealing with an entity without a conscience, the only behavior modification techniques that work are ostracization (boycott, for corporations) and regulation, backed by penalties.

The great god "Competition" seems to have fallen by the wayside as government has crawled into bed with business interests. Without competition, we end up with a computer operating system that could be written better by a college student, yet is deemed necessary (Vista). We also end up with prices in control of the cigar smokers instead of the open market.

Like John McCain, Economics is not my strong suit, but I can smell things that stink. As Senator Clay Davis of "The Wire" would say, "Sheeeeeeeeeiiiiiiiiiiiiit!"

05/20/08 comments

A Flash Movie

It's a rainy day today, so I've been messing around with an online movie maker that can create Flash movies. My first effort is a slide show of some photos of a sunset that I took on Sunday night. The music is from the library on the movie maker's website. Here is the Flash movie. The movie maker also provides an upload to YouTube. Here is the same movie from YouTube.

05/18/08 comments

The Change You Deserve

As I've said before, I get my best insights into current events from The Daily Show. This week, Jon Stewart and his cronies crafted an ad for the Republican party that was a real gem. Here is a link to the segment. Be a little patient, the fake ad, adapted from a real ad for Effexor, is a bit into the segment.

05/16/08 comments

More Prostations

In my earlier post about my prostrate situation, I talked about my 4th biopsy. I got the negative results today - no cancer. I found out that the doctor had taken 24 core samples this time. He also gave me two weeks worth of meds (Uraxatral) for BPH with a followup appointment in two weeks. Meanwhile the PSA testing and possible 5th biopsy loom on the horizon for September. Meanwhile, I can breath easier for a while and enjoy beachcombing for the summer.

05/15/08 comments

Human Rights

Drowsey Monkey reminded me this morning about BlogCatalog's campaign for Human Rights. There are human rights issues all over the world and certainly right here at home in the United States. The U.N. made its Declaration of Human Rights in 1948. As an American, I usually think of human rights violations as happening in other countries far away. Here are some of the "rights" in the U.N. declaration that our government is violating:

• No one shall be subjected to torture or to cruel, inhuman or degrading treatment or punishment.
• No one shall be subjected to arbitrary arrest, detention or exile.
• Everyone charged with a penal offence has the right to be presumed innocent until proved guilty according to law in a public trial at which he has had all the guarantees necessary for his defence.
• No one shall be subjected to arbitrary interference with his privacy, family, home or correspondence, nor to attacks upon his honour and reputation.
• Everyone has the right to a standard of living adequate for the health and well-being of himself and of his family, including food, clothing, housing and medical care and necessary social services, and the right to security in the event of unemployment, sickness, disability, widowhood, old age or other lack of livelihood in circumstances beyond his control.
• Parents have a prior right to choose the kind of education that shall be given to their children.

I wonder if our government knew that we were violating human rights if it would boycott us or invade us?

05/13/08 comments

Notes from San Diego

I spent the weekend at a family wedding in San Diego. It was a great reunion with my wife's side of the family in a city noted for its wonderful climate. However, during our stay from Friday afternoon to Monday morning, we only had a typical San Diego day on Saturday for the wedding.

We left Philadelphia airport on Friday morning in a driving rainstorm after waking at 3:30 AM and driving from the Jersey Shore. There were 2 hour delays at the airport, but our Northwest flight left on time, probably due to the ground controller thinking, "Northwest flies out of here?"

I found out that Northwest thinks that Minneapolis is en route to San Diego. I haven't bothered looking at my map, but somehow that doesn't seem right. I thought that 20 minutes waiting for the connection on Friday and 2 hours waiting for the connection on Monday were about the right length of time for a visit to the Twin Cities.

However, self please note, a weekend is not sufficient for a trip from the Atlantic to the Pacific. To my credit, I had tried to organize a few day side trip to Palm Springs to climb Mt. San Jacinto, but couldn't get anyone in the family, including my wife, to go with me.

It was fun watching the activity in the San Diego harbor, including a regatta and the passing of an aircraft carrier. How much does the Navy pay per gallon of gas? We saw multiple gas stations charging $3.95 per gallon for regular.

We went through La Jolla without seeing any surfers getting beaten to death.

We really lucked out with our kids flying into Philadelphia before the huge nor'easter hit on Sunday and we flying in after the storm on Monday night. Our pilot told us that he wasn't sure how we'd get into Philadelphia because of storm delays on Monday, but we slid right in on time, probably due to the air traffic controller thinking, "Northwest flies into here?"

Valet parking at an airport is pretty cool. The driver drops off your car to you and takes a shuttle back to his parking lot. Meanwhile, you're heading down the road. We didn't get into our house until 2:00 AM, but it was good to be home.

05/06/08 comments

Innumerate People

I was reading the Atlantic City Press on Sunday, expecting some more news of political corruption in the city, something about Donald Trump, and maybe a beach photo or two, when I happened on the column by the "Answer Guy." I would like to sell this guy my house, because I think he would pay my upwards of $90,000,000 for it.

As the article indicates, the extra 9/10 of a cent tacked onto the price of a gallon of gas means a price increase of 90 cents for 10 gallons of gas. I think kids learn this stuff in 3rd grade don't they?

A mathematician named John Paulos, who I met when I was teaching, wrote a few books about the topic of innumeracy. I heartily recommend the books.

05/04/08 comments

Co-ed Dorm Rooms

Back in 1960/61, when I was at Florida State, the girls' dorms were protected better than the Green Zone. The dorms had curfews, were locked all night, there were random bed-checks, and the girls even were subjected to breath-checks when they came in for the evening.

As a college professor, I saw the changes creep in. First, no more in loca parentis, where the colleges substituted for the parents. Next came male visitation in female's dorm rooms. Then came co-ed dorms and single sex bathrooms.

This morning, I read about the newest trend, co-ed dorm rooms. I looked carefully at the picture in the article. Weren't those two guys? The article seems to say that guys and gals can share the same dorm room without any "sexual tension." The only tension I would have in the room that was shown would be, "Stay on your side of the room, OK?"

05/02/08 comments

Snitching on the Sea

I'm reading "The End of America", after getting a strong recommendation from Dolphin. The premise of the book is that America is sliding toward a totalitarian state. The author, Naomi Wolf, presents 10 warning signs that she has extracted from looking at Stalin's Russia, Mussolini's Italy, Hitler's Germany, Castro's Cuba, and other such states from the past and present. These signs represent 10 steps that a government can take to lead it to fascism.

One of the 10 steps is Surveil Ordinary Citizens. I was reminded of this step when I saw this article in my morning paper. The initiative is called America's Waterway Watch program. It's funny how I look at this program differently now than I would have before reading "The End of America." I took particular note of the government's call to recreational boaters because I am a former power boat owner and an avid kayaker who is often on the water. I am in a good position to observe suspicious behavior by fellow boaters.

To be practical, what I think I will do is report boats who are lingering over my favorite Striper holes in the Cape May rips. Some of them might be terrorists.

04/30/08 comments

Google Stats

I updated my site map for my main photo-journal website, www.CapeMayBeach.net, this morning. The main reason that I want my stuff to be visible to the Net is to allow people from my past to find out what I'm up to, in case they wonder about me on a rainy day. Occasionally, I get an email from the electronic universe that really makes my day. For example, a while ago, I got an email from two of my first and most memorable students, who happen to be married, giving me an update on their lives. They discovered my stuff and contacted me. Fabulous!

When I resubmitted my updated site map to Google, I took a peek at the keywords that people have recently used to hit that website. Most of us in the blogosphere have seen that crazy stuff, but I was interested in the following searches and added "capemaybeach" to each to see where my stuff fit in:

cathy's rv - finds a report from the road in 2005 (mistitled as 2004) where my wife Cathy and I were in Puerto Vallarta in Mexico with our RV. We had found out that one of our granddaughters was born a bit early in the report. We mentioned Cathy's boarding passes for her flight to be with the newborn. There is a website called catheysrv.com that might have been the true object of the search.

cheerios beginning - finds our holiday report for 2005. One of our granddaughters was beginning to eat Cheerios. I think that the searcher was looking for this information on when kids can start to eat Cheerios, or maybe this information about early Cheerios commercials on TV. I guess that I watched those early Cheerios commercials when I viewed the Lone Ranger show.

french beach - this was a very popular search and it probably hit on exactly what was sought, this report about our transatlantic cruise in 2007 where we were on a French beach when we stopped at Monaco. The picture that I took on that beach was probably right on target for the searchers.

600 miles south of abilene kansas - finds our report of a 1994 trip west to hike the Grand Canyon from north rim to south rim. We had driven 600 miles on some of the days of the trip. We spent a lousy day in Abilene, Kansas on the trip. What is 600 miles south of Abilene, Kansas? The town of Bastrop, Texas is about there. It wants to be the best community in the nation, according to its website. I'd suggest that it move to a better waterside location than the banks of the wrong Colorado River if it wants that kind of designation.

hokie birg - finds the report of our trip to Europe in 2004. My wife and I were traveling with our daughter and son-in-law and two friends of theirs. The four others were all graduates of Virginia Tech University, the Hokies. While in Switzerland, we climbed the Schilthorn, which is connected to the Birg station of a cable car system. The searcher was probably trying for Hokie Bird. Coincidentally, one of the guys took this photo on the summit of Schilthorn. Also, we saw the Hokie Bird this winter when we went to the Orange Bowl. Somebody out there misspells "bird" as "birg" as this website shows.

debuq iowa - finds last year's archive of this blog, where in my post for 12/03/07, I wondered why anybody gave a crap about what people in Iowa think? I used Debuq as a fictitious name representing some generic midwestern place where Presidential candidates might go to pander. Anybody doing this search is far better off finding my blog than any real information about Debuque.

chum ball snapper fishing in liitle torch key - (note the misspelling of "little") finds this blog again when I recounted my fishing trip to Key Largo. Whoever did that search found the best thing is his life, I'm guessing. I hope his life changed and he stopped wanting to know about his original search.

woman without boobs - finds this blog again, when I was grousing about Keira Knightly in my 01/17/08 posting about the movie "Atonement." The best part of this search is this website which I found serendipitously.

What's my conclusion? I have way too much time on my hands while I'm taking it easy after my biopsy.

04/28/08 comments

Prostate

I scheduled my fourth prostate biopsy for the day after returning from the Atlanta area. The problem is that my PSA number keeps going up and the previous biopsies haven't shown any cancer, so the testing continues. For those that don't know what a prostate biopsy is, here's a brief description: the doctor sticks an anal probe in and uses ultrasound to guide him in shooting several darts into the prostate from inside of the colon. It's almost as much fun as it sounds like it would be.

In 2002, I had my first biopsy in a dark underground torture chamber at my Urologist's old office in a haunted mansion. The doctor gave me a single Valium to get me through the procedure. After the doctor had inserted the anal probe, I told him and his nurse that I had at least thought that the pre-op enema the night before would be a thrill. This caused him to start singing "Looking for love in all the wrong places ..." The other thing I remember was the excruciating pain caused by the 12 darts he fired into my prostate. Afterward, I bled while urinating for a month. Good stuff!

So, I learned two things. First, I never wanted another biopsy, and second, I really never wanted another biopsy. I am a bleeder, so if I take baby aspirin, I develop nose bleeds. I also bleed when I get a flu shot and I started to develop bruises on my arms without much trauma. I went to my GP in December, 2006 to get checked out and discovered that my PSA had gone up to 10. My GP got all excited and asked what my winter plans were and told me to cancel everything and get back to my Urologist. I told him that we had made plans for travel in the RV and would get it checked out in the spring.

I had two biopsies in 2007, in June (24 darts) and September (18 darts). Luckily, my Urologist had moved to new, highly automated digs and could have his Anesthesiologist knock me out. So, I had no pain during the procedures, but still had some pain and many days of bleeding afterward.

I'm still recovering from Friday's biopsy, where I was knocked out and won't receive results until May 14. I've watched all of Season One of "The Wire" and half of Season Two. I'm taking it easy to avoid heavy bleeding. Meanwhile, I've learned of a good way to prevent prostate cancer and wonder if fellatiously, it would be possible to combine two health preventions with one frequent activity. Keep dreaming, Bill.

04/24/08 comments

Notes From the Road

I was away for about a week on a trip, where I drove, to the Atlanta area. Here are some thoughts:

1. It's becoming a close call as to whether it's cheaper to fly or drive to Atlanta from Philadelphia.

2. I paid up to $3.58 for gas and didn't see much change from state to state. So much for the free market.

3. At a pizza place in North Carolina, the owner told me that his 10" pizza was half as big as a large-size 20" pizza. Actually, it's a quarter as big, so at his price, a large pizza would cost $28.

4. I drove on I95 through Baltimore and D.C. for the first time in several years. It wasn't too bad, so I'll put that option back in my itinerary planning.

5. Listening to NPR on my satellite radio for a total of 30 hours for the trip has turned my mind into mush. My navigator chose the channels. I would have settled for 30 hours of Air Supply.

6. They sure are polite in Georgia.

04/21/08 comments

8 Random Facts/Habits

DrowseyMonkey, who taught me how to write paragraphs, has tagged me with a meme to write 8 random facts or habits about myself. I've done similar things in the past, but I'll do this one afresh.

1. Although I'm 67, inside I feel as though I'm 27. I am very immature in many ways and, if I still drank, I'd have a beer bong hanging on the kitchen wall.

2. I've been messing around with computers for work and play since 1965. I bought my first personal computer in 1978 and have owned so many that I've long ago lost count.

3. I spent a wasted year drinking and carousing at Florida State University in 1960/61.

4. I was an altar boy when I was in grade school in California. Oddly, I was never abused by a priest. I remember walking in the dark to serve 6:00 AM weekday mass.

5. I love working on the NY Times crossword puzzle. I don't always finish it, but I never look anything up.

6. I wanted to climb Half Dome in Yosemite when I was 10 years old, but I just climbed it for the first time in September.

7. I delivered newspapers from a car to earn my way through my last 2 years of college.

8. Dick Clark, of American Bandstand fame, did a stand-up act at my high school graduation's all night party in 1958.

I'm tagging anyone on my bloglist who wants to do some introspection and tell the world a few things.

Rules:

Each player starts with 8 random facts/habits about themselves. People who are tagged, write a blog post about their own 8 random things, and post these rules. At the end of your post you need to tag 8 people and include their names. Don’t forget to leave them a comment on their blog and tell them they have been tagged, and to come back and read your blog for the whole story.

04/20/08 comments

And Good Riddance

I'm usually considered a nature lover, but sometimes I have to accept, encourage, or even cause animal destruction. My encounters with the Barbary Apes of Gilbraltar have been documented elsewhere. In summary, because of human interference, the apes have become a hazard. It's not their fault, but now something must be done. Maybe Gilbraltar should be evacuated and turned into a wildlife refuge. Since that's unlikely, here's what's going to happen. Because of my past experience, I have to go along with the solution, but I always feel bad when humans interact badly with wildlife.

Where I live, some stupid humans feed seagulls, turning them into obnoxious pests. Instead of thinning the flock, I'd be in favor of thinning the crowd, maybe by drowning.

04/19/08 comments

To the Pope

Guten Morgen, Your Holiness. It's nice of you to visit us here in America and I really appreciate you mentioning the rampant sexual abuse of many of your priests here in this country.

My mother-in-law dated a priest for many years. That relationship eroded her marriage and caused great scandal among those who observed them on the dating scene. A few of her acquaintances reported the activity to the bishop of Philadelphia, whose response was to transfer the priest to different parishes.

That same action of many of your bishops, transferring priests guilty of abusing children to different parishes, has been widely reported. Due to my own observations of the rogue priest that I knew, I have to believe that it is true that some of your bishops covered up the abhorrent activities of many priests.

So, while it is nice that Your Holiness is talking about regret for the pederasty of your priests, you really need to take action against those bishops. Until you do, you and your Church will have no credibility in this matter.

By the way, I knew one of those sex offender priests, also of the Philadelphia Diocese. He was quite the party guy as I knew him. I didn't know about his pederasty, but many did, including the bishop of Philadelphia.

04/17/08 comments

Cycles of Nature - Sunset

We get a sunset over the water here at home many nights of the year. When we first moved into the house in 1995, I wondered if I'd ever get jaded and complacent about the sunsets. Thankfully, that hasn't happened and I've found that every sunset is different and each has its own beauty.

Last night's sunset was another special one. It was very clear because of the chilly dry air. Also, we saw our first dolphins of the season as a huge pod swam up the bay past our house. At one magic instant, a dolphin breeched with the golden rays of the sun shining off of its skin. I've never seen that before. I tried for a photo, but I missed, as usual.

One of the cool features of my GPS watch is that it can display the times for sunrise and sunset wherever I'm wearing it.

I collected several of my sunset photos from different places at this link.

04/16/08 comments

Cycles of Nature - Sunrise

I love being up before sunrise and having the opportunity to experience the beginning of the day. As with most old people, I have no problem waking early in the morning, so I usually am up when sunrise occurs. I have taken some sunrise photos over the years, but for some reason, I have taken photos of far more sunsets. Maybe it's because the sun sets over the water at our house.

I collected some of my favorite sunrise photos on one of my other websites and offer them for your consideration with this link.

04/15/08 comments

A Toast for Mike

Here's to you, Mike. Wishing you the best following your surgery.

04/14/08 comments

Atlantic City

The west wind was really howling at our house on Sunday, so we decided to drive up to Atlantic City to walk on the boardwalk. This time of year, sans tourists, it's an easy 45 minute drive up the Garden State Parkway and Atlantic City Expressway to get into the resort city. We usually park at Caesars, but I got in the wrong lane and had to park in Trump Plaza. It only cost $5 to park regardless of how long.

As we walked through the casino on the way to the boardwalk, we could smell the cigarette smoke in spite of some restrictions on where the gamblers can light them up. My wife and I do a lot of walking and the Atlantic City boardwalk is a favorite for us. The boardwalk runs about 5 miles from the spot along Absecon Inlet where there used to be a marina to the Ventnor/Margate boundary. At times, we've walked the whole 10 miles, but normally we only walk part of the way. On Sunday, we walked about 6 miles.

Atlantic City is on Absecon Island, one of the string of barrier islands that line the New Jersey coast from Sandy Hook to Cape May. The island contains 4 towns, from south to north: Longport, Margate, Ventnor, Atlantic City. I've known Atlantic City since the 50s, prior to the casinos. Back then the resort consisted of beach, boardwalk, and slums. The game of Monopoly uses Atlantic City streets and places in its layout. I played so much Monopoly as a kid that I know the color of each of the streets in the game. Coincidently, the NY Times crossword on Sunday contained the clue, "Place in Monopoly." The answer was "St. James", which I remembered as orange.

After our walk, we went into the Tropicana casino so I could buy a cappuccino at Starbucks. After reloading my caffeine level, we did our version of gambling: losing a dollar playing a slot machine. I owed my wife after refusing to accompany her to church in the morning, so I was willing to walk into The Pier Shops at Caesars with her. This 3 level enclosed pier is populated by upscale stores and restaurants. Scattered around inside are fake beaches which actually are done tastefully. At the end of the pier is an atrium where a water show, called "The Show", is played every hour on the hour.

As we were driving out of the city, my wife said, "Look, we're crossing Baltic Avenue"; I thought of the color purple.

04/12/08 comments

Good News for Women (and Men)

For many years, I've been a staunch supporter of the Race for the Cure (pics: 1, 2) and Walk the Decks for the Cure (pics: 1, 2, 3). In addition, I've been involved in several local fund-raising events. I've tried to keep abreast of progress for this important cause.

I've also been extremely interested in the preventive side of medicine to complement the diagnose and cure side. I discovered the Prevention magazine when I was a member of a fitness center in Pennsylvania and I used to enjoy reading it on the stationary bike.

So, it excited me immensely when one of our field reporters sent me an email yesterday with a link to the results of an important study on breast cancer prevention. I am firmly standing up for contributing to the prevention as often as I am able. Together we can beat take a bite out of lick this thing. It would be fellatious to think that you can't make a difference.

Of course, I'm still very interested in participating in the Race for the Cure. You can find the dates of the event in your city here.

04/11/08 comments

A Couple of Casino Movies

Big news in Atlantic City - no smoking in any of the gaming rooms. The Donald is predicting disaster for the gambling resort. Evidently the biggest gambling losers are those that puff; no big surprise. I remember how much smoke was in the bingo hall when I spent several years calling bingo numbers for a Catholic church.

I don't smoke or gamble, but I was a hard core smoker for about 15 years in my youth. That makes me a neutral reviewer for two movies about card playing that I've seen recently.

I saw the first, "Lucky You", on HBO. This is mainly a chick flick and secondly a gambling movie. The highlight for me was Robert Duvall in an appropriate role. The story line seemed a bit weird to me, but again, I don't gamble. Drew Barrymore played a pretty good role, but could have shown a bit more skin, the best way to interest guys in chick flicks. The hero took a small beating from some gambling-related goons, but it was a girly kind of beatdown.

I saw the second, "21", in an almost empty theater on a rainy afternoon. Funny, in Naples, FL, the old people would have filled the room. It makes a difference when most people have jobs. I had read and enjoyed the book, "Bringing Down the House", that inspired the film. The movie adds some fictional elements that actually makes it more enjoyable. The hero gets a real beatdown by a casino security guy. The team card-counting elements of the movie remain realistic.

I would suggest viewing both movies on DVD.

04/09/08 comments

Starbucks

I was in Wal-Marts (to buy a yoga mat) and Starbucks (to buy a cappuccino) today. I've been spreading the false rumor around the blogosphere that Wal-Mart supercenters will be including a Starbucks inside. I have to laugh whenever I think of the clash of the demographics.

Anyway, I read an article about Starbucks in the Philadelphia Inquirer today. I was amazed to find out that the Inquirer writes about other things than the for-shit sports teams of the city. I was also amazed to find that Starbucks has 16,000 locations worldwide, which means that I haven't visited them all. How do I know that? I have a personal rule, broken only 3 times, that I don't go to Starbucks more than once a day. I would have to visit a different Starbucks daily for over 43 years to get to them all, but Starbucks was named in 1987, only 33 years ago. Ain't math great?

I got to thinking about some memorable Starbucks stores that I've been in. The one in the middle of Madrid has to take the cake for chutzpah. Situated in the center of a city and a country that have the best coffee I've ever drunk served from every little kiosk and bar, how do you figure to compete? But that Starbucks had quite a crowd. I didn't go in for the coffee, but to see what kind of idiot would choose Starbucks over the 1,000 better places to get a cup of coffee in Madrid.

The most memorable Starbucks store that I haven't been in is the flagship store in Seattle. In the 2 cloudy, chilly, drizzly, miserable days that I was in that city, I drank coffee in the 3 major chains of coffee shops and one mom and pop store. We couldn't find the flagship store even after searching Pike Street Market for it. Why didn't I just ask someone? Need you ask that question?

I liked a Starbucks in Manhattan near the U.N. for the rudeness of the barristas. They had that genuine in-your-face NYC attitude. You know that their favorite line is "What do YOU want?". Also, the scones in the City are the best.

There was a Starbucks on the Ohio Turnpike that made us realize the midwesterners have no idea how to make a scone. It might as well have been angel food cake. The kind of vacuous politeness of the barristas made an interesting contrast to the ones in Manhattan.

The wonderful ambiance of the village square in Keystone, Colorado, made the Starbucks there stand out. There was better coffee across the square, but for old times' sake I went into the Starbucks one time.

The Starbucks in the center of Doylestown, PA is quite unique in my experience. One of my daughters lives there, and when we visit, we eat every breakfast in that Starbucks. There are several other Starbucks around town that I've also drunk in.

BTW, the most memorable cappuccino I've ever drunk was not in a Starbucks. It was at the cafe that was used in Godfather for Michael Corleone's meeting with Appolonia's father.

04/08/08 comments

Cycles of Nature - Tides and Currents

Living here on the edge of the Delaware Bay in Cape May Beach, we are very involved with cyclical processes and events. The most obvious cycle here concerns the tides, which are linked to the phases of the moon and position of the sun. Our tides here on the bay are simple. We typically have 2 high tides and two low tides per day, with each high tide followed about 6 hours later by a low tide which is followed about 6 hours later by a high tide. Actually, the daily tidal cycle is 24 hours and 52 minutes long. Around here, the boaters and fishermen are the people most interested in the timing of the tides. To keep track of the tide times, most people make use of a tide table. The timing of the tides changes depending on position on the body of water. For example, the high tide at my house occurs about 9 minutes later than the high tide at Cape May Point, which is about 4.5 miles away.

As an avid kayaker, I am also very interested in the tides because of the related phenomenon of currents. When the tide is between low and high, the water in front of my house moves up the bay and is called a flood tide; when the tide is between high and low, the water moves down the bay and is called the ebb tide. That is about all I need to know in order to plan a simple, along the shore, trip in my kayak. For example, there is a high tide here today at 11:07 AM. If I want to have an easy 2 hour paddle, I'd leave at 10:07 AM and head up the bay. At 11:07 AM, I'd head back home. This way I would have the current at my back for the whole trip.

Actually, it's a bit more complicated because of the slack tide, a period when the water is barely moving. It happens that the current doesn't change directions at exactly the tide of a high or low tide. Here is a table that shows the current flow at the mouth of the bay. Here is a table that shows the tides at Breakwater Harbor, a nearby location. High tide today is predicted at 10:59 AM and the ebb tide begins at 12:27 PM. Some other numbers that are available are the tide height above mean lower low water (an average of normal lowest water level) and the maximum speed of the current in knots (multiply by 1.1 to get mph).

Kayakers use the "rule of 12s" to approximate the way current varies between high and low tide:

• during the 1st hour of the tide, 1/12 of the water moves
• during the 2nd hour of the tide, 2/12 of the water moves
• during the 3rd hour of the tide, 3/12 of the water moves
• during the 4th hour of the tide, 3/12 of the water moves
• during the 5th hour of the tide, 2/12 of the water moves
• during the 3rd hour of the tide, 1/12 of the water moves

Around the time of the full and new moons, the tides are highest and lowest. These extreme tides are called spring tides. When the moon is half, the tides have the least variation. These tides are called neap tides.

The wind has a great effect on tides and currents and can actually "turn the tide" if strong enough. One interesting phenomenon is a "blowout low tide", where the water is literally blown off of a beach.

One the average of once a year, I try to plan a kayak paddle across the Delaware Bay, usually from Delaware to New Jersey. I've done the trip across the bay 10 times and every time brings new adventures. I never go alone on this trip and have made the crossing with from 2 to a dozen people. I've found that a group of 3 is best. Here is an example of how I plan the trip; here is an example of an announcement (note that this trip was cancelled); and, here is an example of a trip report.

One of our trips was an "over and back" event. This summer I'm planning a trip I call the "Ultimate Double-Cross", which will be a 40 mile round trip. Anybody interested?

04/07/08 comments

42 - Blackwater's contract was just renewed for a year. With all that we know about that secretive militia, how can that happen?

23 - Who are the people behind the scenes of the candidates, pulling the strings? We occasionally hear a name or two, but their are veritable armies of lobbyists, surrogates, and other planners in the back rooms. Who are they and what are their agendas.

16 - It looks like we'll soon be loading the helicopters on the roofs of the "green zone" as we hastily evacuate Baghdad.

15 - Now we get to pay $1.70 for a euro. It was about half that when I visited Venice in 2001. Goodbye Europe for me.

8 - We'll soon see how bad the recession is as people flock or not to the Jersey Shore and other U.S. vacation spots. I guess the Canadians and Europeans might come in numbers, but how about Americans?

4 - The olympic torch was extinguished yesterday and today in London and Paris.

I'm feeling a little lost, how about you?

04/05/08 comments

Arabian Art and Science

I fell in love with algebra long before I found out about its origins. For a normal, oversexed ninth grader, it took a lovely subject to get me to stop thinking about girls for even a short time. I found algebra to be enriching and empowering. I still love it today. I later found out that algebra was invented by an Arab in the 9th century.

The word algorithm is derived from the same source. This concept has been the basis of much of my work as a computer scientist and is fundamental to a book I co-authored.

I hated geometry when I first took the course in 10th grade, because I had a really lousy teacher. My Ph.D. thesis was about a very advanced geometric topic, topology, but I really learned to love the subject when I taught it in a college class. When I visited Spain in 2003, I came to admire the geometric designs in the architecture of the Moors who occupied Spain. Two particular examples are the Mezquita in Cordoba and the Alhambra in Granada.

Also, while in Spain I learned to love the Moorish ceramic tiles with their intricate geometric designs, such as this, this, and these two from Islamic Turkey.

I've been very perplexed that the Middle East is no longer known for these beautiful emanations of the human spirit. Is it because that spirit of creativity no longer lives there or that the MSM doesn't tell us about it?

04/04/08 comments

Movie Review: In the Valley of Elah

I don't do very many movie reviews because I'm not a very insightful movie critic. My algorithm for understanding a movie is

1. Get a copy of the DVD from Red Box, NetFlix, Best Buy, or my son
2. Try to get my wife to turn off the kitchen light so I can see the film and try to get her to stop asking questions so I can hear the film. (I've discovered that her sister and one of my daughters also have that questioning habit.)
3. Watch the film again with the director's commentary on. If the director doesn't understand the film, who does? My wife is always absent for this step because she hates commentaries. I never listen to cast members' commentaries because the cast usually has no clue what a film is about. An exception is Viggo Mortensen, who seemed to understand "Rings". (But Sean Astin couldn't tell the difference between "Rings" and "Goonies".)
4. Watch the film again with the commentary off. My wife is always absent from this step because she hates to see movies twice.

So, basically, I let the director tell me what the movie is about. This is typical for me, just doing what other people say. For example, I only use paragraphs (randomly) in my blog because DrowseyMonkey told me to. Unfortunately, the DVD that I received from NetFlix didn't have any commentaries on it, so I'm on my own to fathom this film.

In my opinion (you expect something else here?), the movie has the message, "The Iraq War is bad." OK, I have believed that since before the war started in 2003. The movie throws in the secondary message, "Sexual Harassment is bad." OK, I've believed that since before Personnel Departments were renamed Human Resources, because "personnel" is such a sexist word.

But the reason that I ordered the DVD from NetFlix was that the blurb promised Charlize Theron. I think I started to notice Charlize in the movie "Italian Job." This was a great action movie with a great cast and some cool cars. In fact, one of my relatives bought a Mini-Cooper based on this film. Charlize did a good acting job in the movie and, most important, she really looked good.

When I watched "Elah", I couldn't figure out where Charlize was. The female lead had a broken nose and two black eyes and didn't look anything like the lovely Charlize. Also, BTW, Tommy Jones spends the whole movie with tears in his eyes.

If I were a movie producer who wanted to make a ton of money, I'd redo "Cast Away" by just showing Charlize walking up and down a beach on a deserted island. There'd be no plot, no dialogue, and no musical score, just Charlize.

Unfortunately, Charlize thinks that she has to look like shit in order to be taken seriously as an actress. "Monster" is a horrible example of the misuse of her talent. She's bloated and unpretty. Another example is the movie "North Country", where she's beaten. Charlize, we take you seriously honey, please look your best in the rest of your films.

For those who don't take me seriously as a writer, notice that I've said nothing about the nude photos in Playboy.

04/03/08 comments

Back to Aerobics

We headed back to the gym yesterday to participate in our favorite step aerobics class. I was the only guy in the class of 25. I took up my usual position in the back left corner of the aerobics room, which affords me the best opportunity for up-class views of my classmates' butts and cross-class views of their racks. I can also use the floor-to-ceiling mirror in the front of the room to view any available cleavage. Now before any of you guys rush out to buy a tutu and join an aerobics class, you need to realize that there is a price to pay: you actually have to do step aerobics while you're looking at the scenery.

It happens that most straight guys either don't have the skills or the patience to master step aerobics, even though it would put them in close proximity to a group of sweating, nubile, fitness conscious women. The first skill that's needed is the ability to listen carefully to the woman instructor. This is a hard skill to master when you're used to tuning out your wife or girlfriend when she's talking about anything but sex. The second skill is the ability to carry out elaborately choreographed dance moves, some utilizing the step, in concert with women close enough to touch on all sides (another reason why I prefer the corner). The third skill is to be able to avoid a high speed collision with a woman who is going the wrong direction or who has stumbled. If you lay a rugby-like hit on a woman in an aerobics class, you can kiss your step aerobics career goodbye. It's almost as bad as laying out a deadly fart in class.

Somehow I've mastered the art over the years and can reap the benefits, as I do as often as possible. See anybody out of place in this picture? That's me and some of the girls at an aerobics convention. To save money, we stayed 4 to a hotel room. Here's our group out to dinner at one of the conventions. Guys, would you like to have 3 of these woman in your hotel room for the night?

Now that my computer business is winding down, I'm thinking of offering instruction for guys so they can fit into the step aerobics scene. I might change the name of my company from Computing Doc to Aerobicizing Doc. What do you think? Anybody want some instruction?

04/02/08 comments

Tax Time

I had promised my wife that I'd begin working on our income tax returns when April began, so I dutifully started yesterday. I remember fondly that, when I was in a business partnership back in the 80s and early 90s, my partner and I hired an accounting firm to do our business and personal returns. Back then, tax time meant signing the returns and mailing them to federal, state, and local governments.

Since 1999, I've owned a small computer consulting company, constituted as a Limited Liability Company (LLC). I've used the business version of Turbo Tax, federal and state, and the deluxe version of Turbo Tax, federal and state, to do my income tax preparations. Turbo Tax used to be cheap, but now, this stuff costs me around $200 per year. I use Quickbooks for my company accounting, and my wife uses a shoe box for our personal financial information.

Every year I (literally) buy into the fantasy that, since both Quickbooks and Turbo Tax are produced by Intuit, and since Turbo Tax for business can import the company's accounts directly from Quickbooks, the Turbo Tax/Quickbooks combination is the best bet for me in April. My faith in that fantasy was shaken in 2003 when I tried to do my taxes while in Spain. When we had arrived in Europe that January, my laptop decided that it wouldn't connect to the Internet, no way, no how. I was working over half-time on company business, which I had to do on my laptop in our living quarters and then connect to the Internet in a smoky Internet cafe filled with screaming and cursing young Spaniards playing a multi-player killing game. I had been smart, I thought, and brought my copies of Turbo Tax with me on CD, and my Quickbooks was active on my laptop. I figured that I could do my taxes without a problem. Oh, by the way, my wife brought her shoebox. When I started to do my taxes that year, Turbo Tax insisted on being connected to the Internet, or it threatened to put a watermark on each page of my returns stating that I'd prepared them with an out-of-date version of Turbo Tax and my returns probably weren't valid. Also, Turbo Tax refused to import my company information from Quickbooks because my version of Quickbooks was more than 3 years old. After spending an hour or so cursing, I contacted one of my sons-in-law in the States and asked him to buy the latest version of Quickbooks and send it to me. It turns out that Quickbooks doesn't sell in Europe. When the mailing hit Spain, the customs folks decided that I had to pay $100 in duty fees. I had also paid the full price for the software in the States. After all of that, I found out the truth behind the fantasy:

Unless the information in Quickbooks is organized in exactly the way that Turbo Tax wants, the imported information is so wildly incorrect that it has to all be redone manually.

So I did it all manually, printed the watermarked returns and wrote cover letters that explained my situation to the IRS and state tax bureau. Luckily, I never had to redo anything later.

By May each year, I forget about it. This year, I decided to upgrade my Quickbooks Pro 2004 to Quickbooks Pro 2008 so that I could do the importing operation. I spent a couple of hours buying and downloading Quickbooks and then had to call Intuit when my Quickbooks couldn't register itself online. While I was on hold to the second Intuit support person, my Quickbooks decided to register itself. I installed my federal and state versions of Turbo Tax for Business and started to work. Soon I was to the "import from Quickbooks" step and I let it fly. I got an error message that wasn't on the list of errors on the help screens in Turbo Tax or on its support website. I saw that there was a 60 minute wait for phone support and dialed the number to get in the queue.

My current laptop runs the evil, malfunctioning Windows Vista operating system. Among all of the buggy stuff in the system, the User Account Control (UAC) , designed for large companies, is the most horrid monster for small software developers or users. I have had lots of problems at home and at clients' site due to this malicious code which deletes important files and rearranging things according to its own agenda. I've learned to turn it off.

When I finally was able to talk with a support person for Turbo Tax, he told me to turn on the UAC. I was flabbergasted, but it worked. In the short time that it was on, the UAC managed to screw up a registry entry for Outlook, my email program, but I haven't found any other mischief that it's caused yet. So, I imported my Quickbooks information, and found that, as usual, it was unusable and I had to re-enter all of it manually anyway. After a day of working on it, I got my business returns done and printed (without watermarks). Now I can work on our personal returns today.

04/01/08 comments (reminder: TIps for cheerleaders is defunct due to this)

Click ... and Out

42 - The last tumbler clicked into place this past weekend when I realized that my granddaughter Smiley's room was done up in my favorite color, and that I wished that her new music box was playing "Lost in Love" rather than "Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairies."

23 - Whenever I dress Barbie, I think about undressing Ken.

16 - I always liked Donny better than Marie.

15 - My favorite suit used to be a purple velvet one.

8 - This is what I like to wear to weddings.

4 - I dress for aerobics like this.

Ohmygod, I'm GAY! As soon as I realized it, I dragged my wife to the obligatory impromptu news conference in Cape May.

I hope you win the lottery. Happy gay April First!

03/31/08 comments

Bush's War

I viewed the first half of the Frontline documentary, "Bush's War" last night. I've never been so disgusted with the evil maneuvers of government officials than while I was seeing how the Cheney/Rumsfeld/Wolfowitz branch of the hordes of Hell manipulated the hapless Bush and neutralized the only possible hero, Colin Powell, to lead us in a foolhardy venture that has cost us over 4,000 lives and over a trillion dollars of treasure.

If you haven't seen the documentary, you can view it online. I finally found the answer to a mystery that has bothered me since I was in Spain during the Iraq invasion. The overwhelming consensus of opinion in Spain and in Europe in general was against the venture. I couldn't figure out why the Bush administration went ahead. Now I know that it was due to lies and manipulation by very evil people. Bush seemed to be a pawn in all of it, due to his ignorance and stupidity, but that doesn't make him innocent.

What to do? Impeach Cheney and then Bush.

03/29/08 comments

Barbie and I

I was sitting out on my stateroom balcony with my 5 year old granddaughter Hurricane a week ago. We were enjoying a beautiful ocean view while on a cruise with her sister and my wife on the Carnival Freedom "Fun Ship." Hurricane had just purchased a Carnival Cruise Barbie set and was happily playing with it while I daydreamed about being out on blue water on a sunny, 80 degree day (oops, that was reality). Hurricane interrupted my dream reality by handing me her bare-naked Barbie and a slim little red gown. "Pop-pop", she said, "I can't put her dress on, can you?"

I grabbed her voluptuous Barbie and the dress and and furtively looked around for security cameras. Hurricane went back to her playing with other elements of the set, while I held Barbie with my thumb on her lovely breasts and tried to figure out how to get the size 0 gown over her huge rack. I wrestled with Barbie as I tried to get the gown on her and tried harder not to enjoy my work. I finally got the gown on her and handed her back to Hurricane with a sigh of relief.

I dreamed of Barbie that night.

03/27/08 comments

My Jinxed Car

In 2003, I bought a Nissan XTerra based purely on its roof rack. Since I'm an avid kayaker, I wanted to make sure that my next car had the ability to haul my kayaks easily. I also wanted a vehicle that could haul a trailer, since I had the intention of camping with a pop-up camper. I chose the silver color because I wanted the car to be very visible on the road. I think that white and silver cars are the most visible and I think that white cars look cheap.

I figured that a pretty cool trip for the XTerra/pop-up would be a 44 day RV caravan into Mexico. I didn't know that no one had ever done that trip with a pop-up, but I'm pretty sure that I would have gone anyway. While we were in line at a toll booth, I got the first hint of the XTerra's jinx: the driver of the RV ahead of us decided to go to his bathroom and take a leak; he forgot to set his brake; we were on a slight hill and his rig rolled back and slammed into our front end. I was a bit shaken, but the damage to the car was minimal.

The second hint of the jinx came in December 2004. I wrote this one up in my "Happy Holidays" report:

Tuesday, December 14

We went to the dentist at 8:30 AM. When we got back home, I called Jim from Imperial 500 and arranged to go over there to install the program and get his old mailing list data. All went well on my visit to Wildwood Crest. After lunch we drove to Borders to buy a copy of Hawaii by James Michener. Then we went over to Hamilton Mall to walk for a while. After walking, we searched for packing cubes, but couldn't find any. We were driving over to Target and were in the left turn lane near Borders when the car in front of us went through the red left arrow and got trapped in the middle of the intersection. I saw this unfolding and left some room in front of me for the car to back up out of the intersection. The car was a late model white Nissan with four people. A chinese lady in the back seat kept looking back at us as we motioned them to back up out of traffic, which they did. I noted that the driver had left the car in reverse, but there was still some room in front of me and I prepared to lean on the horn as soon as they started in reverse. When the left arrow went green, the car started like a jack rabbit and slammed into us. I was just getting out to talk with the driver when they took off down the road. I took a look at our front end and saw that the bumper was pushed back and cracked (pics: 1,2,3). The other car had some smashed lights and dents (we saw them as they left the scene). I decided to pull across the highway and park in the Target parking lot. Then I called 911 and reported the hit and run accident. A Hamilton Township police officer arrived and I described the accident and the car that caused it and ran. Later, when we arrived home the officer called and said that he had located the other car and was trying to interview the driver. I worked on importing the old mailing list data for Imperial 500 before dinner. The wind was still blowing and the temperature was dropping below freezing as we headed for bed.

Wednesday, December 15

At 1:38 AM, I heard the business phone ring. I was awakened from a deep sleep and didn't get a chance to get it. I used the opportunity to head into the bathroom where I heard someone coming up our outside stairs. I went to the door in my underwear and found a Lower Township Police officer there. He asked if I were me and if our car was ours. So far, I knew the answers, but I excused myself to put on a pair of pants. The officer asked how the front end of the car got damaged. I explained about the hit and run accident and showed him the card from Hamilton Township and the case number there. He explained that he was investigating a local hit and run accident and had been following a trail of water drops that ended near our driveway. What an unbelievable coincidence! The officer called in the Hamilton Township information to his dispatcher and quickly apologized and left. I spent the rest of the night tossing and turning from the double dose of adrenalin. I finally climbed out of bed. The outside temperature was 28 degrees and the wind was howling. After breakfast I made several phone calls and coordinated between Byrne Insurance Agency, Rio Auto Body, and Enterprise Car Rental for a 2:30 PM drop off of the XTerra and a pickup by Enterprise. Stephanie from Byrne said that she would get the police report from Hamilton Township and mail us a copy. I made arrangements to go to Imperial 500 on Thursday morning and left a message for Steve Tecco to try to go to Armada on the same trip. When I went outside to look at the XTerra, I saw that the front-end had moved too close to the right front tire to safely drive. I called Lou at Rio Auto Body and asked him to send a towtruck. Then I called Enterprise Car Rental and asked for a home pickup. After lunch, the towtruck came. Later in the afternoon, I went to Enterprise via my pickup and signed for a Pontiac rental car. The car was filthy because Enterprise had suffered a broken water pipe. I took it through the car wash in Rio Grande on the way home. On the way, I also picked up our knives and machete from John's Sharpening Service in Green Creek. Cathy and I went shopping at ACME. When we got back home, my DVDs for the extended edition of Lord of the Rings: Return of the King arrived. I watched the over four hour feature during and after dinner.

Just a couple of weeks ago, I got the third hint of the jinx. We had hired a driver, who happens to be a retired detective, to drive the XTerra from Naples, FL to our home in NJ. When our driver was pumping gas in mid-afternoon on March 7, in Latta, South Carolina, this geezer, hit the XTerra. Here is the driver's description of the incident. I wrote up the hassle it caused us in my online photo-journal:

  Monday was a sunny, clear, chilly day with less wind. Bill called Nationwide Insurance several times trying to get fast action on the XTerra damage. He talked to 4 different people and got an appointment at Rio Auto Body for Tuesday at 8:30 AM. Bill unloaded everything from the XTerra so Cathy could go to the store. Bill dumped the RV tanks and winterized the RV. He also continued to unload things from the RV. We took a 6 mile walk (Cathy 4) along an increasingly windier Bay. Everything looked very bleak compared to Naples. Bill took the trash out and quit work for the day. We had a good quiche meal in front of the fire while we viewed "The Jacket", a very good film with an interesting plot and great acting.

  Tuesday morning, Bill dropped the XTerra at Rio Auto Body. The manager decided that the car was unsafe to drive and made arrangements for us to have a Jeep Compass rental from Enterprise. Bill was back home by 9:30 AM after a stop at Ace Hardware to get some mousetraps. We don't know if we have mice, but the traps will find out. We finished unloading the RV and took it to storage. Bill got a cappuccino at Starbucks on the way back home. After lunch, Bill fixed the "No Trespassing" signs on the path to the beach. Our painter, Bill Addesso, came over at 2:00 PM to talk about his painting the house while we are on cruise. During late afternoon, we walked on the beach. Cathy went as far as Harpoon Henry's on the beach and then returned home via the roads. Bill walked to the Canal and back via the beach. We went to dinner at Alfe's in Wildwood. Later, we viewed "Pure", a tough movie with a semi-happy ending.

  Wednesday was chilly and windy. Bill temporarily fixed 3 of our lattice panels that had blown down during our absence. Then he went out on the dune and trimmed foliage. After lunch, we both worked on clearing the walls for the painter. We didn't walk because of the cold wind. During a good tortellini dinner, we viewed "Across the Universe", which was a very good movie with lots of great music and a good story line.

  Thursday started with a calm wind. Bill Addesso and his assistant, Dennis, came over at 8:00 AM and worked the morning repairing tape, cracks, and holes. We spent the morning packing for the cruise. After lunch, we went to Peebles to replace a pair of Bill's slacks that were eaten by moths. We also stopped by a drug store for some items. We went to Cape May Point State Park to walk on the beach, but the cold wind forced us to take a short walk on the nature trails in the meadow. Bill talked with Lou at Rio Auto Body, who said he was waiting for parts for the XTerra. We finished packing for the cruise and viewed "2 Days in Paris" during dinner - very edgy, funny movie which makes one think differently about balloons. We watched "Lost" using our DVR.

  Friday we had a number of issues to deal with before we left for Alex and Phil's house in Glen Mills. The most important one was getting our car back from Rio Auto Body. Bill called Lou early in the morning and got a promise that the XTerra would be ready at 12:45 PM. The painters were in the house for most of the morning, making it difficult to get things done around the house. Bill jumped on the computer at 9:55 AM and got an error on the US AIR website when trying to check-in for our flight. He called technical support for the website and got 2 seats checked-in. Then he called Customer Service and found out that we would have to wrestle for boarding passes at the gate on Saturday. Next, Bill called our travel agent at Cruise and Vacation Travel and explained our problem. Our agent said that Carnival booked the flights, so she would call them. Later, the agent called back and said that, after talking to 3 levels of employees at Carnival, she found that they had no interest in the situation. Bill realized that two of us had been bumped from the flight and that trying to get back on during Spring Break with two small kids would be frustrating at best. He knew that the only solution was to find someone with some pull at US AIR to get us all on the plane. We didn't know anyone, but Bill thought that our son-in-law Phil might have a connection. Bill called Alex and explained the situation and asked if Phil had some connection at US AIR. It turned out that Phil did have an indirect connection, a friend of a friend, who would work on the problem. Meanwhile, we were hustling to get our stuff and our house ready. Bill drove the rental car to Rio Auto Body and picked up the XTerra.

At this point, I'm almost afraid to stop the XTerra when I'm driving. All three incidents involved the car getting smacked in the front end while it was stopped. I'm nervous when I'm behind someone in line at a toll booth, I'm nervous whenever I see a Chinese woman driver in front of me at a red light, and I'm nervous when I'm getting the car gassed up. I don't know if the XTerra needs an exorcism or needs to have its chakras cleared. Pray for me and my car.

03/26/08 comments

I'm Back, Tanned, Rested, and Ready

First of all, I'm freezing my butt off in the north when I should be in the tropics still, at least until May.

Second, "Tips for Cheerleaders" is defunct, due to this epidemic.

Third, cruising with Spring Breakers offered lots of glimpses of beer bongs and beer pong, but no topless coeds.

Fourth, I came back from the cruise with a dreadful cold.

Fifth, my alma mater, Villanova, is in the Sweet Sixteen.

Sixth, I don't know whether to wear my "Life is Good" hat or my "Life is Crap" T-shirt. I guess I'll wear them both.

03/02/08 comments

Hiatus

I am taking "a gap or interruption in space, time, or continuity; a break" from blogging. We're getting ready to leave paradise to head north and open our house in NJ. Then, after a few days of feverish preparation, we'll be heading out on a "Spring Break" cruise with a couple of our granddaughters. After the cruise, hopefully I'll be filled with tales to share.

Meanwhile, my day-by-day photo-journal will continue as usual. To see what we're doing, head to

http://www.CapeMayBeach.net/ "Current Activities"

Thanks for coming by; I shall return.

02/29/08 comments

Cruising with Cheerleaders

The whole "Tips or Cheerleaders" staff has just completed a planning retreat at a posh resort near Clearwater Beach, FL. Unfortunately, the weather was rainy, windy, and cold, but that gave us more time to plan our exciting new venture.

Our staff has arranged with Carnival Cruise Lines to rent some space on its upcoming March 15 "Spring Break" cruise on the "Freedom" so that we can have a Cheerleading Camp on the Seas. For those of you over 18 high school cheerleaders, this is your chance to enjoy a Caribbean vacation and hone your skills at the same time.

Meet us at the "Timeless Pool Bar" on Saturday, March 15 anytime after 4 PM. Wear your sunscreen and look for our "Tips for Cheerleaders" tattoos on our arms. Workshop times will be announced as the week goes on. Don't forget to reserve a place at our table at the St. Patrick's party on Monday at Carlos and Charlie's on Cozumel. We'll be there all day.

02/24/08 comments

Lobbyists

I heard that Sen. John McCain has lobbyists as advisors to his campaign, so I thought I'd try to understand what that would mean. Here's a definition: The process of influencing public and government policy at all levels: federal, state, and local. Here's my interpretation: The process of being a scum-sucking maggot trying to bribe government officials to bias laws in one's unearned favor.

Lobbying is legal, but is it ethical or moral? Is it fair? Who's lobbying for me in Washington? Nobody, that's who. I don't think that the blue-eyed lefthanders have an office on K Street. Therefore, lobbying is wrong!

Here's what McCain said about having lobbyists running his campaign: "These people have honorable records, and they're honorable people, and I'm proud to have them as part of my team." I wonder who's on the team looking out for me? Nobody, that's who.

How many lobbyists work for McCain? This source says: "All told, there are 11 current or former lobbyists working for or advising McCain, at least double the number in any other campaign." How many working for Hillary? This source says: "Public Citizen reports that McCain had at least 59 registered federal lobbyists raising money for his campaign, compared with 19 for Clinton." I wonder who among Hillary's lobbyists are looking out for me? Nobody, that's who.

How many lobbyists work for Obama? This source says none. So why am I not for Obama? Why not, indeed?

02/22/08 comments

Back to Work Vacation

I only caught 3 fish in 12 hours of fishing, but it was a fun trip. I always love being on the water, so fishing for me is a secondary part of the experience. Twenty-four of us were on the boat, which seemed older than any of us. It rained occasionally on Wednesday night and Thursday, but I was equipped with a rain jacket, so it wasn't a problem. The temperature was in the high 70s and low 80s with a 15 mph wind. The seas were running 4 to 6 feet as predicted.

I found out that night fishing is like day fishing except that you can't see. I perched in the bow (like in "Titanic"), so I was sitting in compete darkness. We were about 12 miles off shore, outside the reef. The two young mates (helpers) were shanghaied from a local bar, I think. They were glum and taciturn and unhelpful. It was pretty funny watching them try not to do anything. I was able to catch some good looks at the eclipse of the moon through the scattered clouds. I ended up with a very heavy duty tuna pole with a huge reel, cable-like line, and a giant hook. I got a great arm workout working that equipment. I had a hard time feeling any fish action (it's like a mosquito crashing into a tractor), but managed to catch a keeper Yellow-Tail Snapper and a throwback Mutton Snapper. The boat came back at midnight. I got to bed in the motel at 1:30 AM.

For Thursday's fishing, I got up at 5:30 AM and caught a nice pancake breakfast at a typical Keys breakfast room, equipped with the standard tan 40-something blonde with short shorts and a cigarette voice. The coffee felt good going down. We checked out and boarded the boat around 8:30 AM for the day's fishing trip. Once the boat got outside the reef, we were in the dark blue water that I really love. Back home, we have to go out about 40 miles to get into the deep blue, but in the Keys you can be there in under an hour. The boat was doing a bit of rocking and rolling, which doesn't bother me. I spent some time on the "Yellow-Tail assembly line", but ended up on my perch on the bow, loving life. I saw some flying fish, a big sea turtle, and a Magnificent Frigate Bird while we were out. I caught a keeper Mutton Snapper for my day's effort.

The "Yellow-Tail assembly line" was this weird dance of 10 anglers shuffling along the back of the boat and returning to the baiting station after each traversal. At the baiting station, a small piece of bait was put on the hook which was then embedded in a softball sized mass of oatmeal and some fish oils. The mate threw the ball in the water to start the dance. The idea was that Yellow-Tail Snappers would swim into the chum cloud and get on the hook. That didn't happen for me, but a few people did catch fish this way. On one of my repetitions, the guy next to me hurled a chunky stream of vomit into the water. I cheerily remarked that it was nice of him to add some chunks to the chum. I don't know if he liked my comment, but the next time I saw him, he was lying on a bench in the cabin with a few other sufferers of mal de mer.

When I fish, I don't eat, drink, or take breaks. I simply keep baiting and rebaiting and fishing. At the end of the day, when the captain starts the engine for the last time, I'm the guy that thinks that the trip was too short. I love fishing from the shore, in my kayak, on a small boat, on a charter boat, or on a party boat.

The hard part of the trip was driving the 3 hours back to Naples through the Everglades. My wife made me watch the Democratic Debate after dinner and kept nudging me when I dozed off. To her credit, she let me go on the trip and was happy that I enjoyed it.

02/19/08 comments

Meta-Vacation

I'm leaving the paradise of Naples, FL, where I'm doing a whole lot of nothing and loving it, to go on a fishing junket with 24 other denizens of our trailer park RV resort. We're heading for Key Largo tomorrow morning. We have chartered a party boat and will be out for night fishing tomorrow night and then fishing all day on Thursday. The marine forecast for outside the reef is for 4-6 foot seas, so I hope the hurlers stay downwind of my position.

I've just survived a few days without my wife while she's been on a girl's retreat in Ft. Myers, so I need some time off. I've been struggling not to dirty any dishes and have restricted myself to a teaspoon and a measuring cup. I made the bed this morning and uncluttered the RV. I cleaned the porn off of the computer and I'm set to go.

If anything worthwhile happens on the fishing trip, I'll be sure to report it. Hasta la vista.

02/18/08 comments

Eating

Up until 1985, I was an opportunistic omnivore, just like a seagull. In that fateful year, I played a game of kickball, barefoot, on an asphalt playground and stubbed my right big toe under during a thunderous